Not just five minutes ago I found myself huddled up in the corner of my couch balling my eyes out. My mom, not knowing what caused my sudden freak out, just held me and told me it would be okay. Now, I'm not a negative person. In fact, I'm a huge optimist, a glass half full kind of person. I'm the girl all of my friends ask for advice from and a lover of life, but suddenly all of the pain of the past year fell on me like a rushing waterfall.
In the past 6 months I have found myself at the loss of two relationships and 3 friendships. I changed schools spur of the moment and decided to move home. What the hell right? I sound like some kind of jynx in a human form.
Today my ex boyfriend... the first one.... decided he'd tell me I screwed up my entire life. That was a nice thing to hear on Christmas day. Knowing I have a hard time dealing with my home life he decided to play on that and spike my paranoia. Then of course I overanalyze everything at home and think, well maybe I did make a mistake. Hence the sudden breakdown.
Well Forget That... He's not winning... My dad, brothers, and BOTH my exes... They won't get the pleasure of watching me crash and burn... I'm done being the woman scorned... I'm done letting men control what I feel. I'm not going to second guess my decisions and wait by the phone for phone calls I honestly don't even want. I'm done thinking that I need a mans approval to make my life complete. I am educated, I am pretty, I have attitude, and when I want something I kick ass and take names till I get to where I need to be. I don't need a mans approval for this.
Of course, I'm not a man hater... I want to find that "special someone". Hell, most of my friends are guys and they'd probably cringe if they read this. I'm just saying now that the people who hurt me, that caused me to be so cynical... They're the past. I'm moving on and I'm determined to be happy and stay happy... FOR ME... and if in turn someone wants to join me in my happiness then it'll make it all the more interesting...
Moral of the Story... Be who you want to be, don't let anyone stop you or make you question yourself. Do things for you... Be happy, love life, laugh as much as possible... Everything will find a way and EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
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To Endure is to Live.
ReplyDeleteLife challenges you, and I think you have held up well!
Keep it up, you are a strong and beautiful woman!