Party It Up...

So, the other night I ended up at a party with a few of my old friends thinking it would be pretty fun. Of course, everything started out great just a bunch of us goofing off... Then they proceeded to get trashed. I personally think getting wasted is stupid, I mean casual drinking is fine, but drinking with the primary purpose of getting drunk is ridiculous.
Now that I've started thinking about it I realize how stupid the party scene really is. When I was in high school I never cared about parties, as long as I had my friends I was fine. Once I got to college I went out more but I quickly found that huddling in a small, smelly basement with a bunch of touchy testosterone driven college guys wasn't my thing. I mean seriously, what's the point. I'd much rather meet sober people who can hold a conversation without immediately trying to get the hook up.
Maybe I'm just no fun, I don't know, and personally I don't care. I would much rather spend my Saturday night with my close friends at a movie, rather than playing pong with people who won't remember my name in the morning.

On a Different Note...
Last night was an embarassing night for my boys. The Eagles absolutely crushed us and took our spot in the playoffs. I must say though, I'm not all that surprised. The Boys had a pretty crappy season compared to their last season. I can only hope for something better next season. Till then it's the playoffs and listening to my favorite Eagles fan gloat about his win. I hope he's not expecting me to pretend to want the Eagles to make it to the Superbowl ;)

Every Song Reminds Me...

It's funny how everytime I turn on the radio I find new songs that remind me of someone or some situation I've been in. It doesn't matter who is singing, what genre, the content... Eveything reminds me of something in life.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way because I've had people say "oh this song fits you so well" blah blah blah. But have you ever wondered what the story is behind the music? I mean music to me is poetry and when I listen to the songs I think that the interpretation is up to the listener.
At this very moment I'm listening to Secondhand Serenade, Fall For You. Everytime I hear the song I am reminded of my past. Then there's No Doubt's Just a Girl which reminds me of my home life... or even KC Brown's Instigator, which more then one person has told me should be my theme song to life.
Isn't it funny how these singer/songwriters write their music and we bend the words to fit our lives? To them it's just another chart topper but to us it's the music we laugh to, we cry to, we drive to... Hell if I didn't have music I don't know how I'd get through life.
Hmm... I apologize for the rambling... It was simply on my mind.

Self Realization... AKA Mental Breakdown

Not just five minutes ago I found myself huddled up in the corner of my couch balling my eyes out. My mom, not knowing what caused my sudden freak out, just held me and told me it would be okay. Now, I'm not a negative person. In fact, I'm a huge optimist, a glass half full kind of person. I'm the girl all of my friends ask for advice from and a lover of life, but suddenly all of the pain of the past year fell on me like a rushing waterfall.
In the past 6 months I have found myself at the loss of two relationships and 3 friendships. I changed schools spur of the moment and decided to move home. What the hell right? I sound like some kind of jynx in a human form.
Today my ex boyfriend... the first one.... decided he'd tell me I screwed up my entire life. That was a nice thing to hear on Christmas day. Knowing I have a hard time dealing with my home life he decided to play on that and spike my paranoia. Then of course I overanalyze everything at home and think, well maybe I did make a mistake. Hence the sudden breakdown.
Well Forget That... He's not winning... My dad, brothers, and BOTH my exes... They won't get the pleasure of watching me crash and burn... I'm done being the woman scorned... I'm done letting men control what I feel. I'm not going to second guess my decisions and wait by the phone for phone calls I honestly don't even want. I'm done thinking that I need a mans approval to make my life complete. I am educated, I am pretty, I have attitude, and when I want something I kick ass and take names till I get to where I need to be. I don't need a mans approval for this.
Of course, I'm not a man hater... I want to find that "special someone". Hell, most of my friends are guys and they'd probably cringe if they read this. I'm just saying now that the people who hurt me, that caused me to be so cynical... They're the past. I'm moving on and I'm determined to be happy and stay happy... FOR ME... and if in turn someone wants to join me in my happiness then it'll make it all the more interesting...
Moral of the Story... Be who you want to be, don't let anyone stop you or make you question yourself. Do things for you... Be happy, love life, laugh as much as possible... Everything will find a way and EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

Fast Cars and Freedom...

Have you ever been in your car with the music up so loud that you zone out and you're in your own universe where it's just you and the road before you? I get that feeling all of the time when i get behind the wheel of my car. Sometimes I'll get on the interstate and just wish I had the guts to just drive wherever my car would take me. Drive away from my problems, away from a places that remind me so much of heart ache, where nobody knows me, where I can recreate myself the way I want to be seen.

This summer my plan is to finally get my own car. A brand new chevy cobalt and to be honest I am totally excited. Since I was little I've been intrigued by muscle cars and racing, now I finally get my own "fast car." Now, I'm not saying you'll see my drag racing down 295 or anything but it's just the fact that I'm in a car built to growl... rather than sputter which is what I have the pleasure of enjoying now.

I'm thinking that once I get my new car it's time to road trip. To make those random interstate daydreams a fast and furious reality. I want to go back to San Diego where the temperature is always right and the atmosphere is completely relaxed. Go back to a place where I know I'll be happy no matter what happens.

...Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to fit all of this into another crazy summer.

Time Really Does Fly...

I've always been told that these are the times of my life and that I should cherish them because it'll all go by so fast... What I didn't think I'd realize is that it is going by too fast.

This time last year I was practically engaged and ready to start the rest of my life. Now, here I am wondering if I ever want that sort of commitment. Not because I'm scarred by lost love but because love is something that I've seen come and go too many times.

I look back at old pictures and notes from just months ago and can't believe I said the things I said, or even felt the things I felt. I feel like some of the things that have come and gone are just apart of some dream I had.

Through it all though I feel like I'm becoming a stronger person. I feel that since I've watched things fly by that I should slow things down, cherish the moments when I'm laughing with my friends or cuddling on the couch with someone I care about. I know all of those things can be gone in an instant, no matter how many promises are made.

The Beginning...

Alright... So I was laying in bed, somewhere between being awake and asleep, and I thought it's time to get myself out there. I write all the time and there is really no reason I shouldn't write so people can see.

I'll probably tell myself I'll write every day... but I won't because lets face it who has the time? This blog probably won't have much substance to it either... Just the randomness that runs through my head on the daily basis.

I must warn all potential readers that I am quite opinionated but I welcome opposing viewpoints at all times....

So here we go...

It's Christmas time, and while Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year it's also one of the most greedy times of the year. I feel like people are only being "good" because of the potential gifts they may recieve. When did everything become so materialistic? Why is it that I have to go out and buy gifts for people I only see a few times a year?

... I'm in college, I'm lacking the money at this point and honestly that's fine with me. I have a job I love and I have the opportunity to learn every day. So why is it that the little money that I do have must go to pointless gifts everyone will forget about by New Years?

Now don't get me wrong, I am a giving person. I give money to church, I loan money out, and I've given to various charities. I just don't like feeling obligated to give, having people "expect" a gift from me.

*Sigh* I guess what I'm truly trying to say is why can't Christmas go back to being about Jesus. About the birth of our savior. A time where we are thankful for our family and friends....

Merry Christmas Everyone...